Greg

So, yesterday, I was on myspace and felt prompted to search out my ex-fiance, Greg. I often wonder what happened to him and myspace is home to over a million people who are looking to make connections for various reasons (that’s a whole nether story)… so anyway, I thought Greg might just have an account. I had searched for him before but he wasn’t on myspace.

So there I was yesterday thinking about Dean and how we are celebrating our 9 year anniversary today. I began thinking about how time flies by so fast and about how I have completely recreated my life with this man that I love so dearly. It felt a life time ago that I had a life with this other man. I almost struggle to remember the me that I was then. It feels longer than 10 years ago.

All of my thoughts found me trying one more time to find Greg on myspace. What became of him? Is he married now? Children? What are his passions? Has he explored his spirituality? Where does he live? I typed in his name and this time an account popped up! He had just signed up just two days before. (Weird how I am sensitive to things like that. The connections we have to people and the thoughts that we share as humans…anyway that’s another blog). So, the photo he chose was of him with this adorable little girl. Was that his daughter I wondered. Is he married? But, as my eyes scrolled down to his bio I saw the words ‘Orientation: Gay’. Oh my God! My heart was pounding. My emotions were so muddled I couldn’t grab hold of a clear thought. I saw a link to an additional site where he had photos posted. I quickly went there searching for some sort of answer. I was shaking. I was even beginning to doubt whether it was actually him. Could this be true? As I looked a photos I began having flash backs to my past. I began analyzing past moments to see if I could find clues. Honestly, I had my suspicions about Greg. But, they were always fleeting thoughts or jokes. But, to now have concrete proof. How do I feel about that? I had trouble sleeping last night. I have had guilty feelings. Is it my fault somehow? There are more thoughts along those lines but to share them feels a bit to personal and too telling … so I will hold on to those for now. Anyway, I sent off an e-mail to him. When I got home last night I checked and he wrote me back. It was indeed him. It was a brief yet happy e-mail. He hasn’t shared what has been going on with him these past 10 years yet but he plans to when he returns home from a business trip. He sounds eager to share…wow….wow….I don’t know what else to say.

Okay, I got the first bit out of me. I will write more soon. Many thoughts are swirling. I will write when something makes a bit more sense.